Persistence Pays Off

by Becky Sweat

Our kids need perseverance whether they are tending a garden, learning to play a musical instrument, or practicing gymnastics. Here are some tips for helping kids develop stick-to-iveness.

WHEN I WAS 12, I begged my parents to let me use a section of our field to plant a small garden. I had big plans to grow vegetables, set up a roadside stand and make money for school clothes. A few weeks after the garden was planted, the mosquitoes arrived. It got humid. Weeds began to crowd out my vegetable plants. I began comparing my summer to that of my friend, who spent the days sitting by the family pool.


…perseverance is not something that just comes naturally.

I decided to let the weeds take over and give up on the garden. When I walked inside our house to tell my Mom what I was going to do, I overheard her talking on the phone to my Aunt Mary: "Becky has been working every day on her garden, even in the hot sun. I'm sure proud of her..." Whether my Mom knew it or not, her sincerely believing in me gave me just what I needed to hang in there and finish the project I'd started.

Stick-to-it-iveness is the quality that keeps a person from quitting, even when obstacles come along and the natural instinct is to give up. For a child, it means practicing the piano, even if it's the same melody over and over again. It means getting up early and doing the paper route every morning, when it would be a lot easier to sleep in. Of course, no parent wants her child to be quitter, yet perseverance is not something that just comes naturally. How can we help our children stick it out in tough times?

Set reasonable goals


One of the best ways to teach your children perseverance is by challenging yourself with a pursuit.

SIT DOWN with your child and agree upon a realistic length of time for him to participate in an activity. Know what is an appropriate time commitment for your child's age level. "The younger the child, the shorter the attention span, the less clear the sense of what time is about and what a time commitment is," says Toni Potenza, Ph.D., associate professor of education at Roosevelt University. If you tell your 8-year-old she can have a puppy if she feeds it and takes it for walks every day, she's not going to fully grasp that every day means for the dog's life, which may be 10 years or longer. ballerinaThe same 8-year-old, however, should be able to understand the time commitment in signing up for a ballet class lasting six months.

Don't expect your child to do more than he's capable of doing. Accept the fact that your 5-year-old may not make the bed as well as your 12-year-old. "Kids need to feel that what they've done is okay, but a lot of times parents have an adult standard for what they want the child to accomplish, and that is very frustrating for the child, because the child can't do it." Dr. Potenza says.

Break tasks down

SOME PROJECTS seem so overwhelming that your child may not know where to begin. My son, Danny, sometimes lets his room get so messy it looks as though a hurricane has passed through. The bed is unmade. Toy boxes are dumped over. Books are scattered. Clothes are piled in the floor. If I ask Danny to clean up his room, he gives me this look like I'm asking the impossible.

A good way to get your child to stay with a difficult project is to break it down into smaller, individual tasks. So rather than tell Danny to clean his room, I ask him to make his bed. That doesn't seem too bad to him; he does it; and once the bed's made, Danny feels good because he's accomplished something. Next I ask him to pick up the books, and so on. A big project gets done, but rather than complain about the enormity of the project, Danny feels good because he's making a lot of accomplishments.

Challenge yourself

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME you learned a new skill? Do you have a lot of projects that you started but never finished? One of the best ways to teach your children perseverance is by challenging yourself with a pursuit. I have a mom friend who makes a point of working out on her exercise bike after the kids are home from school. Another friend does a home-study course while her children work beside her doing their own school assignments. "Kids enjoy seeing their parents learn new skills, yet a lot adults don't do that. Whatever we mastered when we were 22 is what we do the rest of our lives," Dr. Potenza says. Set the example for your children. Enroll in a class at your local college. Finish the crocheting project you put aside. Get those tennis rackets out of storage. Your children will be impressed by your determination.

Draw out fears


Let your child know you sincerely believe in her abilities and convey an expectancy of success.

IN ANY DIFFICULT endeavor, most children come to a point sooner or later when they get discouraged and want to quit. The best thing you can do in such cases is to draw out your child's fears, says Tom Cahill, Ph.D., a child psychologist in LaGrange, IL. A lot of times children worry about something unrealistic, and as a parent, you can put their fears to rest. "Often what you hear your child say in terms of why he doesn't want to continue with something, you may have already heard related to something else," he says. Your child may be nervous about taking swimming lessons, but similar fears were probably expressed about learning to ride a bike. You can tell him, remember how scared you were riding your bike for the first time? How did it turn out? Your child can then see the outcome and be encouraged. "Remind your child that he's done hard things before and succeeded. Let him know it's normal to feel scared or discouraged now and then. The important thing is to not let our fears and disappointments get the best of us," Dr. Cahill says.

Be your child's cheerleader

LET YOUR CHILD KNOW you sincerely believe in her abilities and convey an expectancy of success. Tell her you appreciate her effort and are impressed by her determination. When you're enthusiastic, it's contagious, and you give your child the strength and motivation to succeed.

Be careful not to overdo praise. If you tell your child, "That's the most beautiful picture I've ever seen," every time she brings artwork home from school, your praise won't mean much. Pick out something specific about what your child did that was noteworthy: "You did a good job drawing the trees in your picture." "I like the way you did the clouds in your painting." Save your "That's terrific!" for accomplishments that really are terrific.

Know what your child is interested in

"WHEN MY DAUGHTER, Shannon, was 6, she showed some interest in the family piano, so I enrolled her in lessons," my friend Susan related. "Shannon stuck it out for a year and the whole time I kept pushing and pushing, but she never seemed enthused. Finally I realized it was me who wanted her to learn the piano, not Shannon. The following year, Shannon started with gymnastics lessons and has kept with it for five years, never missing a class and having a ball."

There will be enough in life your children will need to persevere in, whether they enjoy them or not--homework, chores, or perhaps an exercise program. To prepare them for that, Potenza says that parents should remind children that "perseverance is also part of doing something you like to do, so that it's not always something being forced on them; it's something they willingly discipline themselves for." Give your children the chance to explore a variety of interests, and respect their wishes if their interests don't always coincide with yours.

Stay attuned to the types of activities your children want to pursue, and let them know that you're behind them all the way. After all, their interests can be indications of God-given abilities, and you want to motivate them to make good use of what God has given them.


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