Sam Howard is a brother in prison. His is a story written to be a lesson for our youth -- a hard lesson of wrong choices and their consequences. His deep concern for young people has motivated him to share his life with them through his autobiography. This, too, is a lesson for all of us that, with God, it is never too late to begin making right choices! We hope you find its impelling message as inspiring as we do.
| May 4, 1996 |
y name is Samuel Howard. I am 44 years old and am presently on the State of Nevada's Death Row. This is not a horror story. I am speaking from personal experience. I am sure you do not want to just hear of the problems, but a solution, being that I am an ex-street, prison gang leader and ex-Marine Vietnam combat veteran. I have been incarcerated 10 long years.
WHEN I WAS A YOUTH, perhaps the same age as some of you young adults, I never thought I would end up in my current situation. I only wanted to be a part of the so-called clique, posse, gang, etc. because the peer groups, students in my school and neighborhood said I would be a part of the elite if I did the things they did such as drink beer, smoke, steal, drop out of school and hang out on street corners or local pool rooms. I thought this was the way to get a pretty girl, fancy car, reputation, lots of money and live the jet-set life. Hey, I didn't want to finish High School, much less go to college like Penn State. Oh, how I wish I had, instead of coming to a "State Penn" (state penitentiary). Over 10 years I have regretted the choice I chose. Most of the youth of my generation who were a part of the same crowd I was, are now either dead or in prison. In no way am I blaming others for my misfortune. I blame myself and sin. It is easy to blame others or to say maybe it is because of the ghetto or dysfunctional family I came from. I am from one of the most notorious ghettos in the country (Befford Styvestant Section of Brooklyn, New York). Also, professional boxer Mark Breland, actor Eddie Murphy and ex-heavy weight champion Mike Tyson are from a nearby ghetto. It is sad to now look back at my Alma Mater and friends and to see there is no one who made something positive out of themselves. Yet many who didn't belong to our group are successful lawyers, community leaders, teachers, doctors, entrepreneurs, have good jobs and are happily married. Hindsight is considered to be 20/20. In other words, if I had the chance to relive my youth, I would definitely change the way I merely functioned. One thing which I readily advise all youth of today is to please listen to your parents/guardian/minister. Attend church and don't listen to those who want you to get into trouble. They don't mean you or themselves any good.
Sex
PLEASE DON'T RUSH into pre-marital sex or fast sex. It only leads to many diseases, and the ones who engage in it don't really love their partner. They merely want to score. And most of them do score very high in trips to the local V. D. clinics. There would be no need to practice safe sex if you wait until you get married.
Crime
HAVE YOU NOTICED all the horrible crimes that plague most of our states? This is a global problem. There are many people who are now purchasing guns. Guns are not the answer. In fact, those who have guns in their homes risk the chance of an accidental shooting. There is no such thing as "the perfect crime;" someone always gets hurt. And don't, for once, think what happened to me couldn't happen to you. My definition of capital punishment has always been, "If you don't have the capital, you get the punishment." I realize we don't have or cannot have a perfect society; however, a recent survey shows countries with less weapons that have gun control have less crimes. Compare urban areas with rural areas. God wants us to have fun, not guns.
Education
I BELIEVE education is one of the most important aspects of one's life if he or she is planning to succeed in life. As far as my education, you can say I was a late bloomer. After dropping out of school, I found myself lacking sufficient skills to get a good job, so I re-entered school to get an education and found myself surrounded by teenagers 10-15 years my junior. However, with extra tutoring, I did manage to graduate from a community college with an A. A. Degree.
Employment
LITTLE DID I REALIZE an A. A. Degree wouldn't get me a good job. I only had mediocre skills which means my skills were just as close to the bottom as they were to the top. In addition, I had lots of pride which is another problem. I couldn't see myself working at McDonald's or Burger King. However, now if it is the only way to make an earnest living, I would scoop dog droppings. It is better to gain money honestly than by dishonest means. Hard earned money from hard work will be appreciated more, and money obtained by dishonest means will leave you just as quickly as you get it.
Drugs
NOW DRUGS definitely contribute to crimes and all sorts of evil acts. At least 90% of the prison inmates I have met said drugs and alcohol were the culprit which caused them to do unspeakable crimes against people, society, family and even against their children.
Suicide
IT HURTS to see and hear of all the beautiful young people taking their own lives. I must admit deja vu hits home. During my past depression, as a result of the many sins and no peace, I contemplated suicide. It is the ultimate destination for those who make the wrong choices. I now have so much peace of mind because I prayed hard, God called me, I have repented and am a baptized member of the Worldwide Church of God.
I have witnessed many suicides during my incarceration, even among inmates sentenced to death who were on Death Row. No matter who you are or where you are, you can have hope. God gave us the gift of life which is more valuable than all of the worldly possessions.
GOD WILL HELP you make the right choices, but he will not help you make the wrong ones. The choice is yours. You can follow Him now or suffer later. I don't want you or anyone to make the dreadful mistakes I have made in my life. Please think about what I have said. I have lived my life. I had many brushes with death. More recently, in July 1991, I was air lifted from Ely State Prison in a coma from a serious illness to University Medical Hospital in Las Vegas, Nevada and placed in the Intensive Care Unit. Miraculously, I came out of the coma. Many doctors and nurses said I should have died. My first words after coming out of the coma were, "Thank God. Doctor, would you please remove the interveinous tubes? I'm hungry, I want to eat." My point is, God has/had a plan for me. Perhaps sharing this information with all of you could be it. Please keep in mind, God is in control, not man. Man is merely you and me. We only have breath in our nostrils and, without it, we will cease to exist.
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