VERYTHING I NEEDED to know about life I learned from my father. That may be an oversimplification. But, in this day and age of alternative families and sitcom father bashing, I'd like to speak out about the importance of parental example and what my father taught me. My dad never made a lot of money in his lifetime but what he left us was far more important than any material possessions.
Love of Learning
FROM OUR EARLIEST, each of our family's six children was encouraged to read. We all still love to read and often pass books around the family. There was always plenty of material for reading at our house. We always had at least one newspaper. For a long while The National Geographic magazine graced our coffee table via a subscription from our maternal grandfather.
There was a bookshelf in our living room filled with books. Several of these books were classic and some were not so classic. I remember a wonderful set of children's books that held everything from fables to how to make spool dolls. It was from these books I learned about the Snow Queen and how to make a shadow bird on the wall.
They say example is the strongest teacher. We will usually do what someone does rather than what someone says. My Dad and I spent many hours reading together even after I was old enough to read for myself. In the evenings we would each grab our book and head for the back room. There propped up on pillows, I would pour over the latest from the elementary school library while Dad read something much thicker and with much bigger words.
Dad believed that reading was a key not only to learning but to keeping the mind sharp. In his later years when his eyes were failing and reading became more difficult, Dad was never without a crossword puzzle.
Taking trips to the local library was an integral part of my own children's lives from their earliest months. We considered the time spent an investment, an example.
Honesty
MY DAD WORKED many years for the same company in the city where we grew up. He dealt with the public daily. He spoke to me several times of irregular deals that went on in certain companies; of selling practices that weren't fully honest. He felt strongly about his reputation as a fair dealer. He brought the lesson of honesty home to me at a very early age.
My family are card players. We played hearts, rummy, casino and the occasional game of "match stick" poker. (Poker I learned at a very early age but that's another tale.)
One evening my Dad and I were playing casino together. I believe I was about seven or eight years of age. I tried to cheat by putting down two cards at once. Dad was very disappointed and immediately put down his cards. "I don't play with cheaters," he said.
I was crushed that someone I loved so dearly was so disappointed in me. It was a long time before we played cards together again. But it is a lesson that stayed with me in everything. What are we showing our own children about honesty in our own lives?
Stamina
MY DAD WAS NOT a particularly strong individual physically. Standing 5'9" or so and weighing normally about 140, he was never Arnold Swartzenegger. But his ability to keep going under stress and his commitment to seeing things through were an example for me. Perhaps it goes to show that stamina after all is in many cases a state of mind.
Dad worked long hours during his life. After all, he had seven other people to feed and clothe. When I was a child he worked Monday through Friday and sometimes a half day on Saturday. I would often go to work with him on those half days. Our favorite ritual was not waking mom to make breakfast but stopping at a restaurant to have pancakes or waffles before going on to the store. He would often give me small jobs to do and at year's end I got to help with the inventory by counting nuts and bolts.
In his later years Dad fought for his life at least three different times. Once he had congestive heart failure and twice the sodium in his body dropped to dangerous levels for no explicable reason. I believe it was his mental toughness that kept him going when his body failed him.
It is these traits he has passed on and the example he set that have kept me going during the stressful times in my own life.
Loyalty and Commitment
SOME MIGHT FAULT my father for remaining with the same company for 40 years. It was certainly not a sound financial decision long term. He saw the company go from a prosperous one with several partners to a floundering non-entity. Even after a heart attack and subsequent surgery he continued to help the company in any way that he could. He had made a commitment.
When I was eight, a particularly bad hurricane hit the east coast of Florida. Our roof lost most of it's shingles during the worst of the storm. Dad got a call that night from the police. Some of the windows on the store had been broken and they were fearful of looting. Dad picked up his boss and together they braved fallen trees, downed power wires and flooded streets to reach the store. They boarded up as well as they could and remained the rest of the night to guard against looters.
These same qualities extended into his marriage. My father died in the spring of 1995. He and my mother were married over 61 years. They shared many good times and many bad times together. But through it all they remained faithful to each other and have left an example for everyone to see.
Service to Others
AS THE YOUNGEST sibling I had a unique view of my dad. I saw that in his younger years he served as a scout master with my brothers. There were the camping trips and other field trips. One or two of these field trips I remember vividly because they were day trips and I got to tag along. I was perhaps four or five and it was very exciting. Later in his life, even in poor health, he joined church work parties to help widows with home projects such as roofing etc. Dad did whatever part he could, of course, staying on the ground. Anyone who knew him well knew he and heights did not get along.
Relationship with God
DAD CAME to his true Christian commitment late in life. But he joined to his church with the commitment he had given everything. Dad was not the public speaking type. But he joined a speech club at church and gave several speeches until his health no longer permitted it.
Dad became a regular student of his bible and prayed daily. He truly sought to become a "new man". And while he did not achieve perfection, many things about him changed.
Dad and mom were active members in the congregation as health permitted. He and mother often carried food and ate with widows who were not able to attend church services. He helped with parking, served as a greeter at church and passed out hymnals. Anything he felt he could do he tried to do. He truly tried to be about his Father's business.
When I was last with my dad he spoke a lot about his life, the people he had known and the things he had learned. My father was not a perfect man. He never claimed to be. He was molded as we all are by his background and his times. But I hope the positive influences he left with us and the example he set will live on in his children, grandchildren and now his great-grandchildren.
Our own life styles should represent a godly way of life that is based on sound moral and biblical principles. We are instructed by God in the book of Deuteronomy to put His words in our hearts. God says through Moses you shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up (Deuteronomy 6:5-6, NKJ). God is telling us to teach through everyday things in our lives; in other words, our example. We should all be striving as fathers and as mothers to provide positive examples for our children to follow and learn from.
Because after all, everything we really need to know about life we should learn from our Fathers.
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