The following were taken from real resumes and cover letters.  They were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune magazine:

1.  I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

2.  I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.

3.  I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

4.  Reason for leaving last job:  maturity leave.

5.  Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

6.  Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

7.  Its best for employers that I not work with people.

8.  Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.

9.  You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if evey forget details.

11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

12. Marital status:  single, Unmarried.  Unengaged.  Uninvolved.  No
commitments.

13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs.  Please feel free to
respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.

16. My goal is to be a meteorologist.  But since I possess no
training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

19. Personal interests:  donating blood.  Fourteen gallons so far.

20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a midwest chain
store.

21. Note:  Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping.  I have
never quit a job.

22. Marital status:  often.  Children:  various.

23. Reason for leaving last job:  they insisted that all employees
get to work by 8:45 am every morning.  I could not work under those
conditions.

24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
employers.

25. Finished eight in my class of ten.

26. References:  none.  I've left a path of destruction behind me.

--courtesy of Janet Treadway