BIBLICAL BLOOPERS

What follows are biblical bloopers Sunday School students studying in their religious classes

From the Old Testament

• In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, The Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
• Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
• Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
• Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
• Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
• Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
• Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
• Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
• The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
• The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
• The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
• Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then, Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
• The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him
• David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
• Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

From the New Testament

• When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.
• St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
• Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
• It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
• The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
• A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
• The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
• One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
• When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
• St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.